Monday, September 29, 2014

Toilet Explosion

Inspiration hit me while fixing my toilet. I recently had to replace the guts inside, and the blue stuff I had put in the tank got all over the place. My hands were covered in it. It looked like I had intimate knowledge of a smurf with my hands. I hope it was Smurfette! Although maybe it was Papa Smurf in a dress.

It got me to thinking, why is it that people feel the need to talk trash about things that they know nothing about? I see it all the time. Especially now that football season is here. Is it trendy to look like the biggest inbred idiot in the barn? Is that why shows like Duck Dyasty are popular? Well it's my turn sir. I am forbidding myself from talking trash about things I know like NFL Football, Texas Hold 'Em, and Origami Flowers. Everything I know absolutely nothing about is fair game. Game On!

Weddings


So you have a pinterest mapping out all of the things you want? If you don't have whipped icing on your wedding cake then you don't know what you are doing. That wedding dress you have picked out is so tacky. You need to show off your midrif. So what if you're pregnant! And you're going to have HER as your maid of honor. She's so mean! I would be a much better choice. What? I look good in a dress. I've never worn one, but you can style my back hair right?

Care Bears


Care Bears is the most gangster of all children's cartoons. Move over Smurfs, My Little Pony, and Hello Kitty. The Care Bears would eat the smurfs then have My Little Pony for dessert. Hello Kitty would come up trying to act hard, and then the Care Bears would totally run a driveby on the little girl in a cat costume. The Care Bears don't play yo! They are like a biker gang from Sons of Anarchy. They have Uzis and Harleys. Don't mess with them for reals.

Hockey


The Avalanche are the best hockey team to ever exist. They are going to dominate everyone in the upcoming NHL season. As long as they don't have to play the Care Bears they should win it all this year. Their uniforms already have some red in it to hide the blood from lost teeth. They have a goalie. I don't think the other teams are allowed to have a goalie. They have a couple of guys that can kick the crap out of people on the other teams. Those guys could be semi-professional boxers, but why do that when you can fight on ICE! erm.. I mean Play Hockey!

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