Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Wrath of the Ninja - Duck Dynasty

I hate reality shows. They make me want to eat razor blades that I already vomited back up just so I can do it again. In this first episode of the Wrath, I am going to talk about one of the worst offenders, Duck Dynasty. Why do people like this show??

This is the kind of show that makes me feel like we should all wear thick bubblewrap clothing to keep from getting injured by the idiots. This kind of show makes me fear for the fate of mankind. If aliens were to invade and saw this show they would annihilate us all because they would be convinced that we are too dumb to be able to complete menial tasks as slaves. I feel like this is the beginning of the idiot revolution. All the idiots are beginning to rise up and take over everything. I see stupid and it's EVERYWHERE.

I feel like reality shows have hit rock bottom. The people who put this crap together are rewarded for their efforts to lower the IQ of the populace. They find some people who are willing to perform like monkeys and act like a bunch of dumbasses for the cameras. Duck Dynasty is just the latest popular example. At certain points throughout they have one of the characters insert their thoughts in some hick gibberish that kind of makes sense but not really. I'll save you the time. The moral of the story is "don't be a dumbass" every time, but the characters on Duck Dynasty learn that lesson 0% of the time.

Reality shows are not real.

Repeat this with me because it is a very important point. Reality shows are not real. Duck Dynasty is no different. They set the scenes up and there is a script. The characters on the show are given acting lessons, and cue cards are held up behind camera so they won't forget their lines. The production crew holds their hands the entire way. Their corporate office is never shown, and it is where most of their work is done. They are duping the general public into thinking that this is their real life. It's not.

Don't get me wrong. Some of the members of the cast really are that stupid. I would say they are as smart as a rock, but that would be an insult to rocks everywhere. If we were picking teams for a debate or intellectual competition, I would pick the rock to be on my team before picking some of the cast members on this show. We point and laugh at their stupidity, but with their popularity they become role models. Do we really want stupid to be the role model for our children to follow? Think about it.

Ninja Solution

*These solutions are only meant for real life ninjas! Do NOT try this at home!*
Karate chop anyone who says they like this show in their throat. Don't think about it, just do it. If they are watching the show then cut their cable wire with your katana. Be careful! Their IQ is probably going to be dangerously low from watching the show, so it should be an easy escape. Their anger level will be high, you need to move quick!

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