Gods Of Egypt

Rated PG-13 / 2 hr 7 min / Action - Adventure - Fantasy

What is it about?

Osiris wants to retire as the king of Egypt, so he holds a going away Twister party. Things get a little freaky when Horus is asked to put his right hand on Red, which is the color Hathor's face turns when he does so. Set decides to crash the party because he wants it to be all about him. Osiris tries to tell him that the game goes 'Game, Set, Match', but Set doesn't like games and thinks matches are stupid. He wants it to be 'Set, Set, Set', so he kills Osiris. He then makes everyone bow to him and swear fealty to all things My Little Pony. Horus doesn't like that and as Gods they can fight like Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. Set pulls out Horus' eyes to play ping pong later. A master thief named Bek decides to steal back the eyes of Horus because Set got rid of Taco Tuesday or love or something. Cue the revenge plot music...

You will like it if...

You like Michael Bay style explosions for plot movies. For a film boasting a 140 million dollar budget you should expect more. First off the casting is absolutely awful. I usually like Gerard Butler, but he is terribly miscast as Set. The list of miscast actors goes almost from top to bottom. Chadwick Boseman as Thoth is the only casting decision that makes sense. It's like they didn't bother trying and threw actors with recognizable names at each role in hopes their acting skills would make this turd bucket smell less like poo. The obvious whitewashing of the cast has decidedly made it worse. Gerard realizes this is just a pay day and doesn't bother doing anything other than his normal accent. The special effects were OK in most respects, but in some spots it looked like retro Ray Harryhausen stop motion effects. They were innovative and cool in their day when Clash Of The Titans (the original) was new, but in today's world of CGI it looks horrifically bad. The special effects end up bringing a lot of the high points and some of the low points as well. Finally the script doesn't provide anything special. It is predictable and dull while relying on CGI-laden action sequences to push the story along. This is the type of storytelling you would expect in a Michael Bay style film. The cheap thrills in Gods Of Egypt are ruined by the everything else. Don't bother with this one. If it is successful they will make more crap like it.

Next Week

London Has Fallen, Zootopia, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, or whichever film you vote for. Vote early, vote often, vote in the comments or Godzilla will pick the movie! As always the movie selection is subject to change based on what is showing here in theaters.

Upcoming to DVD on March 1

• Creed
• The Night Before - OK comedy. Worth Redboxing if you haven't seen it!
• Legend - I wanted to see this, but it never came out in theaters here :(
• The Danish Girl - Kind of interested in this one, but haven't seen it yet.