Terminator Genisys

Rated PG-13 / 2 hr 5 min / Action - Adventure - SciFi

What is it about?

The war against the machines is ending, but there is another mission that is somehow more important than taking Skynet down. John Connor has to make sure that Kyle Reese goes back in time to invent Reese's Pieces. Who wants to live in a world without those? When Kyle goes back in time there is something wrong. One of the liquid metal terminators made the trip over from Terminator 2 to say hi. Sarah Connor crashes into a building with a Brinks truck and says "Come with me if you want to give me a tongue bath" or whatever it is they always say in these Terminator movies. Then they try to stop Skynet from ever becoming a thing to prevent the One Direction Apocalypse. The previous Terminator films have warned us about One Direction.

You will like it if...

You like action movies featuring homicidal robots from the future with nonsensical scripts. Just like Terminator Salvation the script is a complete mess for most of it. Any time you begin to explore alternate timelines within a complicated time travel tale, things tend to get a bit murky unless you pay very close attention to detail. The people writing this script didn't bother. For every minor detail they get right there is a major plot point they get horribly wrong. The entire dialogue between John Connor, Sarah Connor, and Kyle Reese once they all make it to 2017 ends up being a massive blob of "What the crap is this??" It's better to not think about it too much and enjoy all of the action scenes. The special effects are top notch and the explosions are pretty. The actors do a good job with what they are given, but the script is a giant mess. Like the tentacle monster in hentai, it is best not to question it. The movie still manages to entertain as long as you don't get a tropical disease from getting too close to the script. I don't want to give away the ending, but it's one of the biggest piles of wtf in the script.

Next Week

Minions, Self/less, or The Gallows
Vote for your choice in the comments!

Legislating Marriage

First I want to say that the SCOTUS decision to lift the restrictions states have put on gay marriage is a giant step forward. Everyone deserves to have these basic rights that have been denied to homosexuals. I was planning on starting with Virtual Wars informational blog posts today, but in light of this momentous occasion I wanted to discuss marriage and how all of the resentment and anger towards gay marriage could have potentially been avoided. Plus I like rainbows and unicorns.

Definition of Marriage

It's hard to define marriage because there are multiple definitions, and depending on who you ask you may get several different answers. The conservative religious definition of marriage frames it as a sacred union between a man and a woman for the purpose of procreation. Before the recent SCOTUS decision, the legal definition of marriage put it as a social contract between a man and a woman. Others may define it as a bond between two people who love each other and want to celebrate that love. Followers of Cthulhu define it as that thing that will make you irrevocably insane, but what would they not use that definition for?

I look at marriage a bit differently. I see it as a religious institution used to help guide people toward a lifestyle that falls in line with their shared beliefs. That leaves it open for different religions to interpret it in different ways. If your religion worships the Spiked Dildo of Chaos and requires sexual stimulation through a replica of said dildo during the wedding ceremony, that is your choice. I see marriage as something that should be left open for interpretation so people can define their marriage in a way that best fits them. As Ace Ventura would say, "Like a glove!"

Separation of Church and State

Using my definition of marriage as a religious institution, I do not think that the government should be able to exert any control over marriage. The first amendment supports this by stating that the government can make no law that prohibits the free exercise of religion. This means that any church that believes in gay marriage can perform that religious right whenever they feel like it. If you don't subscribe to gay Jesus in a rainbow tutu then you don't have to attend or support a church that does.

The problem with this interpretation is that if church and state are kept completely separate then it prevents the government from recognizing marriage in a legal manner. Which definition do they use? Will some religions get left out? Why can't I be green in Hungry Hungry Hippos? Without legal standing the benefits of marriage that are outlined by the government simply disappear.

I think that from a legal standpoint we should have a separate institution called a civil union. The civil union would be the legal standing recognized by the government. This would give the same legal rights and protections to any couple that would want to enter this social contract. Couples could still get married in a religious ceremony, but to have legal standing they would need to get a civil union through the state as well.

This would eliminate many of the arguments from conservative Christians who believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman. Nowhere in any religious teachings does it say anything about a civil union as a governmental institution. The Bible does make mention marriage though. The conservative churches don't have to join the party if they don't want to. We're having way more fun here though. I mean look at the disco ball.

The Problem

My idea of a civil union is not realistically possible. It seems like a good idea filled with the sugar in Pixie Stix of various colors, but it cannot happen. Marriage is too deeply ingrained into the laws of the United States. In order to make this change the wording in hundreds if not thousands of bills would need to change as well. By changing the name of the legal standing that couples have you would negate many of the rights those couples have had through marriage. It would be easy if we could apply a straight find/replace search that has been included in every word processor in the last 30+ years.

Lawyers make everything so complicated and they try to find any hole in the wording they can find to deny people the rights they deserve. I don't blame lawyers for this, but rather the judges who allow them to get away with such things. A change like this would have wide spread ramifications for married couples from health care to taxes to inheritance and so on. Since common sense cannot always have its day in our court system, we have to rip off the band aid and deal with the pain. That means we'll have to hear a lot of whining from those who disagree with this decision and want to deny a group of people the rights that should be available to all.

This is yet another reason why the SCOTUS decision is so important and special. Even with a conservative majority, they were able to make the common sense decision going against partisan politics. This isn't always the case in our court system, and it's refreshing that they would go against party lines to do what is right. The Republicans and Democrats in Washington, DC should take note of this and learn how to compromise on issues that make sense to every person on the street. It's time for them to stop acting like children, but I doubt they see it that way.

Ted 2

Rated R / 1 hr 55 min / Comedy

What is it about?

Tami-Lynn and Ted get married with Yogi, Scrappy, Smokey, and several CareBears there to bear witness. After a year of marriage things seem to be falling apart. To fix their marriage they decide to have a kid. Everyone knows kids fix everything, but they can't just go to Build-A-Bear. They want a real boy and to perhaps get Ted's nose to grow when he lies. Ted searches for a sperm donor, but it turns out that Tami-Lynn can't have kids because they need to make the plot more complicated and add jokes about vaginas (gotta balance out the penis jokes). The couple tries to adopt, but it turns out that the state doesn't recognize Ted as a person. A chain reaction of events based on Ted's status as property causes him to lose his job, his marriage, all his credit cards, his baseball cards, and his Han Solo collectible watch. Now he has to sue the state for his person-hood.

You will like it if...

You like Seth McFarlane's brand of humor. Seth has built an empire of humor based off random references that are relevant to today's and yesterday's society. Ted 2 is similar to the original in many ways. Yes it's a teddy bear doing all sorts of stupidity. It is hilarious and insulting, but it is also poignant. The subject of equality is a solid theme throughout the film. That subject has garnered as much attention as the Kardashians lately and deservedly so (the subject of equality not the Kardashians). The message delivered is important while not being overbearing. There are many scenes where Ted equates his plight to those of slaves or to those within the civil rights movement in the 60's. These are told in a joking or ironic manner because the consequences for Ted aren't as grim as those of a slave, but at the same time those scenes don't feel like jokes. It hammers home the feeling that we can't allow people to be treated as if they are subhuman or have their basic rights taken away for any reason. Ted 2 doesn't get close to the emotional height that the original does. The script also suffers from a bit of meandering throughout as the characters seem to get sidetracked into moments where McFarlane thinks "wouldn't it be funny/cool if". Those moments add extra jokes, but it also pulls the audience away from the main storyline causing the film to lose focus. Most may ignore the message within the movie because of the film's flaws, but this feels like the most serious movie of McFarlane's short career thus far. In the end I feel like Ted 2 falls short of being as good as the original, but it makes a much more profound statement for those who think about such things. I read a few reviews on the film and I'm surprised more critics aren't picking up on this or maybe they are just ignoring it and hoping it will go away.

Next Week

Terminator Genisys

The Journey Toward Publishing

It's usually not a good idea to go into a large project without a plan. Writing a novel is a huge project, but what do you do when you finish? I am going to build a Lego tower that reaches to the ceiling to run around while setting off confetti cannons. Once I have fallen over from dizziness, what's next? Now the real work begins. Pull up your socks folks.

So talking about work is about as fun as pulling your own teeth out with a rusty chainsaw, but if this is your passion and you want to be successful then you have to take it seriously. I want to succeed to the point where I can write for a living without needing a day job to support myself. I don't expect to have overnight success, but not doing everything I can is like stepping on a land mine repeatedly and hoping it doesn't blow up. Where do you start with your publishing journey?

Promotion

Everything starts here. I'm not going to claim that I am an expert of yelling "Buy my book!" from the top of a mountain while people look at me like I am crazy, but I thought about staying in a Holiday Inn Express at some point. At least until Godzilla lit it on fire. Besides at this point I don't have a book to pimp out anyway. Figure out what your passion is and start a blog on it, or just blog about anything you are passionate about. Pull people in and tell them "This is who I am! Purple with Pink Polka Dot Boxers and all!" Tell everyone you know face to face about your book, especially anyone you come across that likes to read. Not everyone will read or be interested in reading the subject you write about, but if they know you perhaps they will give it a try or even help you when you need it later. Getting social is important in the early stages before you publish.

That brings us to Social Media! Find your place on any/all the social media outlets and start interacting with people. No one has time to message all day on Goodreads, Twitter, Facebook, Google+, and Tumblr. Not if you want to get some writing done at some point anyway. Pick the one(s) that work for you and make them your bitch! Once you have forced out the dragon in your small cave, you can make some cave drawings and invite others over to discuss. Keep building your social media presence there with a focus on interaction. Make friends not spam! This is like your "Hello World!" program. The first baby steps towards building an author platform.

Your Budget

What can you afford to spend overall? Don't go over your budget. I don't want to see anyone on the side of the street with a piece of cardboard that says "Will work for Formatting help!" Things you will need to spend money on include editing and cover art. Those two are mandatory. Some of it you can do yourself, but be realistic here. If the spell check in your word processor routinely finds errors every other word then you might want to hire a copy editor. I have almost 20 years of experience working with graphics in Photoshop and other programs (not all of it Pikachu fan art!), but none of that was spent making book cover art. I hired someone else to do that, but I have the confidence to be able to make small edits to that cover art if needed. On the other hand, I found out that book formatting is done in HTML. I used to do web development, so this is like easy peazey lemon squeezy for me. I can format a book while standing on my head in the middle of a field where a marching band is practicing.

Research

Figure out what you need and see how much it is going to cost you. You need to cram as much stuff as you can back into Pandora's Box or your piggy bank as you can. Your budget is going to scream at you and beg for mercy, but you have to find a way to make things work. Find a cover artist that will give you the best art for a price that will work for you. I have found that Fiverr is a fantastic resource for these things. The base services are $5, but very rarely will you be spending that amount. You are going to need some of the add-ons which will cost you a bit more, but I have found some nice bargains on there. Make sure to preview their work before you hire anyone. I found one guy on there making book covers with a stick figure theater vibe to it. Not sure how he got positive reviews, but hey you get what you pay for.

Marketing Plan

OK so you have your novel. It has been chopped, sliced, diced, mashed into a meat paste, put through the Play-Doh tube, and now resembles a beautiful work of art. So all you have to do is click that submit button, but wait... What's your marketing plan? What are you going to do to try to make sure it doesn't flop? Some great advice I read from Lindsey Buroker is that you should do something new every day to make your book visible to more people. There are tons of services and advice out there for this portion. I am at this step currently where I am coming up with a plan written in magic marker because I want as much magic involved as possible. I don't have any experience in this arena, so is the fat guy with lots of back hair a tough fight? I will just mash on the controller's buttons like I normally do in fighting games. I plan to document everything I try and measure the results accordingly. Anything that doesn't work won't be used again, but anything that does work will be stored in a shiny gold box for future use.

Once you have a plan in place, it's time to execute. Come up with a release date and begin promoting it early. Ask for help from friends and family. From what I have read, a month after release the best way to promote a book is to write another. So don't forget to keep writing no matter what happens. Each new addition to your library of works adds a bit to the snowball you hope to nurture and grow. Perhaps one day you will have an army of Frosty the Snowmen who will help you conquer the world, or at least help stop the One Direction Apocalypse.

Inside Out

Rated PG / 1 hr 34 min / Comedy - Drama

What is it about?

Inside each of us there are various emotions at play within our heads controlling our every move. Anger, Gummy Bear, Joy, Fear, Silly String, etc. are all characters vying for control. Riley has had a happy childhood with Joy at the controls. Sadness is a kleptomaniac who wants to take all the memories for herself. Joy confronts her and challenges her to a duel to the death where Twizzlers are the only weapons. The fight ends with the two of them being sucked out of the control room and into the maze of long term memory. Sadness knows the way back, but she is far too sad to move. Without Joy at the controls everything is falling apart. Now she must fight her way through a cotton candy monster, a clown, and Lakitu.

You will like it if...

You like movies made by Pixar. Pixar has had a bit of a lull with Cars 2, Brave, and Monsters University being decent films but not fulfilling their promise of greatness inferred from their previous films. I have no idea what possessed them to make Planes with Dane Cook as the lead, or how Planes got a sequel. It's one of the great mysteries of film, like how Brandon Routh got to play Superman. Inside Out is a return to greatness for Pixar and it reminded me of what they are capable of. It plays out as a roller coaster for your emotions. I don't know why it's listed as a comedy. A few amusing moments do not magically transform a movie into a comedy. Harry Potter couldn't pull off that trick. Perhaps I feel that way because many of the funnier moments are in the previews or perhaps because of how powerful of a drama it is. The animation is flawless. Pixar always seems to find ways to innovate in the realm of 3D computer animation, and this film is no exception. The cast does an excellent job, but without a doubt Lewis Black is the absolutely perfect person to play Anger. Go to see this film. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Inside Out is an emotional tugboat that will entertain anyone that can get past the fact that it is an animated film.

Next Week

Ted 2