Thursday, September 3, 2015

The Transporter Refueled

Rated PG-13 / 1 hr 36 min / Action - Crime - Thriller

What is it about?

Labeled as a reboot of the franchise, this time around Frank Martin is played by Ed Skrine. He's hired by a woman to transport her and two packages. The two packages just happen to be beautiful women. Unfortunately that breaks the rules, so Frank wants to end the contract. They thought of this ahead of time and kidnapped his father to force him to comply. I guess it would have made too much sense to tell him up front. It's not like he would have refused the job. He spends the rest of the film trying to save his kidnapped father who gets kidnapped repeatedly.

You will like it if...

You like reboots that are inferior to the original in every way. Let's start off with the good because it'll take less time. If you like to look at women they are nice to look at in this film. Ray Stevenson does a fantastic job as Frank's father. He's the only character you end up caring about which is an impressive feat considering everything else. Although you do end up wondering how a former spy or special ops guy could keep getting kidnapped so easily. No one else in the movie even tries to play their role. It's like they are trying to read their lines written in crayon off construction paper, and they aren't sure how to pronounce the words because they barely speak English. Blocks of wood could have done a better job. The action scenes are OK in spots, in others they speed up the camera so you can't tell what is happening. The bad guys at times will walk themselves into a trap that they see Skrine set up. You want to yell at them like did you not see what he did right in front of you?! Refueled tries to make it's fight scenes as stylish and interesting as they were in the previous Transporter films, but it fails so bad that it will make toddlers cry who walk near the theater. They don't have to see it, they will just know. No one on the screen is up to performing like Statham did. The comparison might not be fair, but it's unavoidable. One of the sets for a fight scene has sponge rocks and a mat that was paint a different color than the rest of the scenery. Large plot holes, bad guys that don't care that they are losing, bad CGI effects, etc. I could go on and on with how terrible this turned out. Do not go to this film unless you are making a rifftrack or MST3K'ing it. It is not worth your time or money.

Next Week

The Visit, The Perfect Guy, or any other suggestion.
If you have any suggestions please post them in the comments!

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